Do You Have to Give Two Weeks' Notice When You Resign?

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Good morning! We're back with Coffee on the Porch with my dog, Olaf. It's raining here in summertime in Alaska, and today I wanted to talk about giving two weeks' notice — and some thoughts I'm currently having. This might be a mid-process thought, but I'm going to share it anyway.

Why The Foundational Model Matters

You may or may not know that, in conjunction with a lot of my career coaching, I work from a model of compassion, matriarchal leadership, and conscious parenting. Not that parenting and management are the same thing, but a healthy model of parenting actually leads a person toward the right career and lays the foundation for good management techniques.

When we look at management — whether we're leading or being led — the base philosophy we were raised with informs a lot of our behavior and decision-making. And when we're raised in a colonial, patriarchal society, there are norms we don't even realize we're upholding.

This happens to me regularly. I remember it starting when I was deconstructing religion, back when I was about 19 — this would've been around 1991 or '92, before we even had the word "deconstructing." I don't think I knew anyone else who had left the church at that point.

I realized how much of that foundation was informing the way I lived my life, the careers I chose, and how I treated myself and others. It's the same concept when we look at colonialism, patriarchy, and male dominance.

Why I Make Sure I Have A Boss Every 10 Years

This has been on my mind because I recently put in my two weeks' notice at a place I was working. About every ten years, I make sure I have a boss and work inside a company. I prefer working inside companies — I like working with teams, I like people, I like taking care of them and setting them up for success. But because I own my own business and I'm the head of it, I've always felt it would be easy to lose perspective on what it's like to work for a boss. Not everybody wants to — or can — own their own business.

Even if you do own your own business, sometimes you need to supplement your income. For me, there's something grounding about working in the workforce, especially as a career and executive coach — both from the perspective of teaching people how to lead and teaching people how to choose careers and be led. That's a complex conversation for another time. Today, let's talk about the two weeks' notice.

Do You Really Have to Give Two Weeks' Notice

I was raised in a very professional environment — high ethics, do what you say you're going to do. Home life may have been a little chaotic, but professionally, I probably had a resume when I was born. I've always understood business and professionalism. I'm of an age where you wore a blue suit to an interview, typed up your resume, handed it out, and behaved a certain way — and bosses usually weren't women. That gives you a little framing. But I was raised to give two weeks' notice at minimum when you're ready to leave.

I've always tried to uphold that — if there's someone I haven't done that for, let me know, though I don't think there is. In general, it's always my intent to be professional, and I want a smooth turnover. I've held positions high enough that you give 60 or even 90 days' notice, because you're trying to ensure a smooth, effective transition for the people coming after you. That's the frame I was working from.

The Exit Process & Toxic Workplace Escalation

In this particular instance, things were escalating, and the signs were clear: it was time for me to leave. I started my exit process, which for me usually begins six months ahead of time — prepping things inside the business, working externally to find other sources of income. I follow my own seven steps (there's a PDF on my website — the seven steps you need to take before you resign or get fired, whichever way it ends).

In this job, I'd decided to exit and thought it would take six months to a year. It escalated to be a lot sooner than that. I gave my two weeks' notice. I tend to be a no-fuss, no-muss resignation — once I'm done, I'm done. I'd already had the conversations: "Hey, can we change this?" I let my boss know, we had multiple conversations, and I did what I felt I needed to do to communicate clearly.

There can be exceptions — sometimes people genuinely didn't realize something, and I'm open to talking it through. But this was one of those times where no matter how many times I talked to this person, nothing changed. In fact, it got worse — they used it against me. They doubled down. All the things we see in unhealthy relationships showed up in the workplace too: the DARVO, the word salad, the abuse, the discard. So I decided it was time to exit. I gave my two weeks' notice, and I didn't want a discussion about it — my mind was made up.

Counting the Cost: First, Do No Harm to Yourself

But things escalated to the point where I had to seriously ask myself: could I even fulfill this two-week notice? I probably could have, but it would have wrecked me — physically and mentally. I would've just been surviving and coping through it. So I went back through my seven steps and calculated the cost. I realized it wasn't worth it financially, since it would likely end up costing me. I didn't need the reference — I already had another contract lined up. And this person's reputation in the industry was well known — I'll leave it at that.

The only reason I was staying was my own professional ethics. I really try to do what I say I'm going to do and fulfill my agreements. But sometimes that gets me stuck, and it ends up harming me. I kept thinking about the principle of "do no harm" — I remember being in a yoga class once, and the instructor said, "Principle number one: do no harm, first to yourself." And I thought, this is harming me.

"Principle number one: do no harm, first to yourself."

I wondered — am I not tough enough, not strong enough? But it really didn't matter. I've been through much harder, more genuinely dangerous situations. I know I can do hard things. I know I'm resilient. That's not what this was about. I was stuck on the idea that I should be "the professional one," even though the environment I was in was neither ethical nor professional. Nothing was being handled professionally, and I wasn't being treated well.

The Power of Having a "Council of Friends"

I talked to a couple of friends about it — and if you don't have a council of friends you can call and ask, "Am I being unreasonable here?" you should find some. A mentor, a coach, a friend, your mom — someone who won't just tell you everything's fine and it's the other person's fault, but who will actually call you on your own stuff and tell you the hard truth. Both of my friends said, "Get out of there. Run. You are harming yourself. You've been talking about this for a year — you're not being rash. This isn't a quick decision."

Patriarchal Control vs. Support & Encouragement

On a walk by myself, I realized I was staying out of a sense of professionalism and respect rooted in patriarchy and colonialism — the hierarchical leadership model built on power and control. I talk about this elsewhere in my work: the difference between a leadership model based on power and control versus one based on support and encouragement. I believe in the support-and-encouragement model. I've never been successful under a power-and-control model, and honestly, I hate it. I can't operate that way.

This was absolutely a power-and-control model, just masked as support and encouragement — which was really manipulation. And I realized: the expectation that an employee should behave perfectly, keep it together, not overreact, keep their mouth shut, and keep showing up regardless of their manager's behavior — that's rooted in the same patriarchal logic as "respect your parents no matter how they behave." Even if your parents are abusive, violent, or struggling with addiction, the kids are somehow supposed to come out unscathed and behave perfectly. It's the same dynamic at work: regardless of how the system, management, or leadership behaves, employees are expected to behave perfectly, fulfill their contracts, show up on time, and work hard. And I thought — this is not reasonable.

"Even if your parents are abusive, violent, or struggling with addiction, the kids are somehow supposed to come out unscathed and behave perfectly. It's the same dynamic at work: regardless of how the system, management, or leadership behaves, employees are expected to behave perfectly, fulfill their contracts, show up on time, and work hard. And I thought — this is not reasonable."

At-Will Employment & Breaking Unhealthy "Vows"

This wasn't the agreement I made. This particular organization had a two-week notice policy, which isn't uncommon — except I live in an at-will state. They can let me go for no reason at any time, and I'm allowed to leave for no reason at any time. Giving two weeks is simply professional courtesy, meant to ensure a smooth transition. When I made that agreement, I believed we were making it in good faith, professionally and ethically. But this was no longer that kind of environment.

My friends were right. I'd made that agreement in good faith, and it wasn't being honored in good faith. It felt oddly similar to when I was deciding to get divorced — I'd taken a vow, "till death do us part," and I meant it. But I didn't mean I'd stay even if someone was trying to harm me. That was never part of the deal, and I don't think it's part of anyone's idea of a reasonable agreement. This felt the same: I don't have to fulfill this agreement. I give myself permission to leave, even though it feels uncomfortable and weird — even though I didn't get to set everything up the way I wanted to protect my coworkers. I was harming myself. That's the bottom line.

"This felt the same: I don't have to fulfill this agreement. I give myself permission to leave, even though it feels uncomfortable and weird — even though I didn't get to set everything up the way I wanted to protect my coworkers. I was harming myself. That's the bottom line."

So I want you to think about whether you're holding yourself to a work standard that doesn't actually reflect the environment you're in. If you're beating yourself up for "overreacting" at work, ask whether you're actually in a situation where that reaction is appropriate.

Systemic Failure: When the Workplace is Broken

An employee shouldn't have to dissociate, numb themselves, or self-medicate just to keep their composure at work. In my experience — including times I managed people and saw them overreact — if an employee is overreacting, something is wrong with the system. Maybe they don't have a solid job description, weren't a good fit, were hired improperly, or don't have adequate benefits.

Maybe something's going on in their home life, they're overworked, their stress load is too high, or there's an issue with the management model itself. The responsibility falls primarily — though not entirely — on the manager. Everyone shares responsibility in a relationship, but at work, because of the power differential, the manager carries the greater responsibility to make sure employees understand their job, are well-trained, have enough benefits and time off, and aren't burned out.

I remember a colleague once complaining that an employee was "going to the bar every night" and they didn't like it. I asked, "Well, why does this person feel the need to blow off steam every night? How stressful is their job?" They said, "Oh, it's the hardest job you'll ever do." I said, "Well, that explains it." It's unreasonable to expect a human being not to cope with their circumstances somehow — especially around income, since in the U.S. we often have to keep a job just to keep our health insurance. That can feel less like an "at-will" situation and more like a hostage situation.

Protect Yourself First

So I want you to reflect: if you're beating yourself up at work, telling yourself you should stay, you should fulfill your commitment through the end of the year or the end of the contract — are you holding yourself to a standard that's unreasonable given the actual situation? When you made that agreement to work there, did you have a different understanding of what the environment would be like?

I'm not saying walk out and burn bridges if you can help it. But at the same time, you have to take care of yourself, and you need to make sure you're not being harmed.

I'll leave it there for today. I think that's enough words — talk to you soon. Bye.

🌿 Next Steps & Resources

If you need to leave your job, I have a free, practical tool to help you think logically through your next steps, even if your workplace isn't.

Download it here: 7 Powerful Steps When You Hate Your Job but You Can't Quit.